MARRIAGE arranging — looking for SOULMATE!

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In INDIA, almost all mariages are arranged. Even among the educated middle classes in modern, urban India, marriage is as much a concern of the families as it is of the individuals. So customary is the practice of arranged marriage that there is a special name for a marriage which is not arranged: It is called a “love match.”

Quotes from real Indian girls:

“Of course I care. This is why I must let my parents choose a boy for me. My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself. In such matters it is better to have my parents’ guidance.”

“Meeting with a lot of different people doesn’t sound like any fun at all. One hears that in America the girls are spending all their time worrying about whether they will meet a man and get married. Here we have a chance to enjoy our life and let our parents do this work and worrying for us.”

This is why I must choose a mate for my dear Olive. I hear India is the future of our world.

Signed,

Olive’s guardian (guardian being defined as defender),

Athena O.

*All credit (referring to the borrowed paragraphs above) goes to the author whom I was intending to plagiarize from, but later decided to credit, Serena Nanda. *

HELP SPRED THE WORD: OHHHHH PWNed!!!

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Political Fun with the Funcia Staff

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Oliver Ham

Oliver Ham was born on a date in a place to parents. This influenced him greatly. He worships Ron Paul as a god. He doesn’t even think that voting for Baldwin is a good idea.  It was one of those little problems Ron Paul had, like when he said that Rand was a little too militant for him. LET’S TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Oliver is usually found reading the Constitution, eating tofu, strumming a guitar, and singing love songs with his best red squirrel friend, Setna. Oliver passed the Nutcase Quiz with extra credit.

Athena Oly-m-pian

Athena is not a US citizen, does not live in the US, and her best friend was Russian. She is a very strong communist as long as she gets to be the dictator. Athena also, as Clarence Cutler might say, ” is really sexist against men!!1!” and randomly gets spam email from Hillary Clinton. She believes that all men should be killed, but she is highly into peace. Athena did not pass the Nutcase Quiz because she couldn’t figure out how to email. Athena’s pastimes include shouting at people, arguing with people, and slapping people. She considers herself a pacifist.

Setna Khamwas

Setna would support an all-powerful government, as Athena says, “because he’s republican”, as long as he gets to be a part of the government. Otherwise. He. Is. An. Anarchist. (Oliver supports the abortion of sentences; this explains the horrible grammar.) Setna has been the president of the United States for the past eight years. He is not an US citizen like Obama except he (instead of Kenya) was born in Egypt.

Bob The Tester Guy (deceased)

Well, I am a hardcore MODERN WHIG. I was a modern whig before the modern wig was created. Since I’m a modern whig, I love DICK DRIBEN{http://www.dickdriben2008.com/}}} EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THE REAL PROBLEM THAT CAUSES TERRORISM IS BEARDS, love bob the tester guy.

Aunt Jemima

Oh my word! You want to know my political views? Well, I sure done like McKinney ’cause she knows what’s what about the environment. And I sure love that Obama dude, I mean look at his ethnicity. But overall, I really want Oprah to win. I always love Eckhart Tolle.

Clarence Vent Cutler

Obama rules. Cuz he’s a democrat. I like, like, like his ideas about the environment and like his ideas about taxes. And like his idea about food stamps and stuff. And then McCain, I got pissed at him.

Mr. Panic In Calm *NEW TO STAFF!*

Mr. Panic In Calm is a big “McCain Palin” supporter. He is very rich, lived in Alaska, is a hard-core republican, and hates Obama. He still has His “W: The President” bumper sticker on His Hummer. Despite wanting tax-cuts because He does not want to help pay for food stamps, He is a very religious man. He is an elder at His church and converted 500 people to the good news. He prays 50 times a day out in the street so that everyone can see how holy He is. He enjoys hunting Caribou and drinking six packs of beer in His free time. New to our staff, Mr. Panic In Calm is already telling us what we should think, do, and how many times we should go to church every week.