Onions and Oatmeal

10:00 pm Uncategorized

Most people have forgotten my existence and I don’t have much time to write this in anyway.

So basically today I went and got Subway. With onions, lettuce and tomato. This is when I realised my love for onions. I can’t express this love in words so I won’t. [I could express it with hand gestures.]  It’s not so important–this love has almost nothing to do with this post.

Now for the dystopian country of Bohemia.

The Dauphin of Bohemia is giving a speech to his people(“…” indicates that the Dauphin was waving his arms about and making weird faces when not talking) :

“Like dude…I totally love oatmeal…man like the Princess of Idioclast is like so anorexic and she should eat oatmeal to keep her calories down since it’s like so…filling. Anyways, since most people don’t work anymore I decided we should, like, have tap oatmeal instead of tap water. I mean, dude, you can live as long without water as you can without oatmeal. So, be filled and go work! ”

The Princess of Idioclast was shaking her head. Everytime she tried to speak to the Dauphin and the Regent they just weren’t interested. The Dauphin’s pet topics were driving her insane, and the Regent’s desire for war was really getting to her. Of course, if she pointed the Regent’s fault out, she may as well hang herself.

Earlier that week…

The Regent comes in with some oatmeal, not because Quaker is the country’s corporate sponsor,  but because it helps further his own agenda. He put some meth into the oatmeal.

Soon the Princess and Dauphin have joined him. He gave the Dauphin his oatmeal. The Dauphin was never too bright to begin with, but it had only helped worsen the country’s situation when, as he was getting closer to the age where he could take his duties, the Regent(purportedly his friend), had started experimenting with slipping various “medicines” into his oatmeal to help his anxiety.

“I think we should make the compulsory military service five years instead of two,” cried Setna, glaring at Athena.

Athena knew there were more important things to do then wage war. She wanted to discuss the suicide rate for people under the age of ten years and its effects(along with compulsory military service) on the ever dwindling amount of factory workers.

“Like, dude…I think we should make tap oatmeal it would save our economy,” the Dauphin said, dribbling oatmeal down his chin and showing his “meth-mouth” full of half chewed oatmeal.

“Well, we need more people working in our factories!” chimed in Athena.

“Well, dude why do we need factories anyway?”

“Do you ever wonder where clothes come from?”

“Oh,…dude…oh my gosh can’t people have one outfit?”

“Do you think one outfit last a lifetime?”


If you went to the Dauphin’s closet you would see that he had a tuxedo for every day of his life starting from when he was an infant. While it is true that people do not need too much clothing, it would have surely angered any citizen to know that the Dauphin had been able to afford his clothing because of their taxes.

“Why can’t we ever talk about anything reasonable!”

“Like dude, we are, I think Set-o has a point about the military stuff.”

Well that’s all I’ll write right now.

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