Interview With Oliver Ham.

8:07 pm Uncategorized

The Dauphin needs to make some money cleaning houses so that he can go on a hike with Athena.

So tell me more about yourself.

Well, I am pretty awesome when I’m high, but other than that, I have a lot of fears. I am really scared of a lot of things and am always anxious when not high. I have a dog, but in reality, I’m actually scared of my dog because he thinks we’re playing a game when I run away and squeal. Also, I have hyper-pica which is why I eat pencils and myself. Also, I really can’t  handle social situations because I am an INTJ so I’m really irrational.  I usually need a social interpreter, and I found one who is also my counselor.

Uh, alright that’s enough about that. Did I hear you say you ate yourself?

You’re making me feel really uncomfortable, man.

Why should we hire you?

Well, I really like cleaning windows because I use baking soda so that there’s no streaks and I pride myself in how good I am at it. Also, I really suck at vacuuming because I have bad eyesight because once I poked myself with a pencil I was chewing. Well, there are probably plenty of people who are better than me at this sort of stuff, so sorry that I’ve wasted your time. No, I’m really sorry.

Um, alright, then next question.

Why do you want to work here?

Um, I don’t really. I actually want to hike the Appalachian Trail with my social interpreter, but it turns out that I need to have some money, because I’m not assertive enough to forage for berries.

What would you say is your biggest weakness?

Well, this is like really hard for me because I have so many weaknesses, like how hard I work, but when it all comes down to it, my biggest weakness is that I am seriously the Devil’s advocate. No, seriously. Like I was arguing with someone and I told them that because of  something this other thing was true, and what I said really made sense in truth, but then the person was all like, “Dude, you don’t believe in Evolution.” Also, I can’t get along with people who don’t understand that almost everything I argue I actually don’t believe in, which means that I can’t get along with almost anyone.

Okay, we’ve thankfully reached the end of this interview, do you have any questions for me?

Well, I was blanking out during the interview and now I have a question that I totally want to look up the answer for, so can you go google my question? “If a female got sex change could she join the Navy SEALS?”

Would you please just leave if you have no questions about the Moldy Maids?

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